


Not a Bad Day

by mrdifranco



Series: I Would Hate You If I Could [1]
Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Bisexual Pam Beesly, F/F, Lesbian Jim Halpert, dyke!Jim, seasons 1&2 but if Jim were a dyke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 10:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrdifranco/pseuds/mrdifranco
Summary: It was never a bad day when Pam was around. Boring, maybe; eventful in all the wrong ways, maybe. But never bad....An office fanfic in which Jim Halpert is a butch dyke in love with her best friend who's engaged to a man.





	Not a Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> Personally, I think Jim Halpert should've been a butch dyke in The Office US. His relationship with Pam in the first few seasons feels so much like a straight girl crush that it's not even fair. Plus, that overgrown hair! So, here's my take on the first two seasons but if Jim Halpert was "Jen" Halpert. I am making this work part of a series, as I might eventually write more about dyke Jim and Pam and post it to the series. Please tell me what you think about it - constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: obviously I do not own any of the characters or the TV show, those rights belong to NBC and the people who created the show and characters. Also, the title of the series is from a song of the same name ("I Would Hate You If I Could") by Turnover - I have no rights to the song (but you should check it out, it's pretty cool).

“I’m in love with you.” It just slips out. Jen didn’t mean to say it then, but she couldn’t help herself. This night, with Pam…in her blue shimmery dress…Jen could barely contain herself all night.

“What?” Pam doesn’t sound confused; she sounds surprised, even though Jen suspects that Pam has seen this coming for a while.

“I’m really sorry if that’s weird for you to hear, but I need you to hear it. It’s probably not good timing, I know that, I just…” She can’t put into words what she really needs to say to Pam.

“What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?”

“I just need you to know. Once.”

“Well, I, um…I…I can’t. You have no idea-”

Jen knows what’s coming, what comes after every straight girl rejects the lesbian friend. “Don’t do that,” Jen says, trying to dissuade Pam from continuing.

“-what your friendship means to me.” Jen knows she can’t keep being Pam’s best friend, not if Jen’s still in love with her.

“I don’t wanna do that. I wanna be _more_than that.”

“I can’t.” She could though, if she really wanted to – that’s what breaks Jen’s heart. Pam could leave Roy, she just doesn’t want to, at least not enough. Jen isn’t enough for her. “I’m really sorry if you misinterpreted things – it’s probably my fault.”

Jen knows this isn’t going anywhere; she might as well end it now. She shakes her head, tells Pam, “Not your fault. I’m sorry I misinterpreted, uh…our friendship.”

Jen walks off before Pam can respond. She’s done being Pam’s best friend, she’s done quietly nursing her love for a woman who’s engaged to a man. Anyways, Jen’s moving to Connecticut in a week; she’ll never have to see Pam again.

…

Jen will never forget the first time she met Pam. Jen was new to the office and when she walked in, the first person she saw was a certain receptionist who greeted her and called Michael to come out of his office (Michael looked her up and down and asked, “Jen?” He was probably weirded out by her suit and tie. Later, at an office party, Michael came up to her and said, “So, Jen…you a boob dude? I mean, not that you’re a dude, but…I have this cousin who kind of looks like you, and she just married a woman, so…”). Jen held out her hand to Pam, and the two women touched for the first time. It was at that point that Jen and Pam connected; from there on, Jen’s best friend in the office was Pam.

Angela was too strict and severe, not to mention homophobic; Meredith was too drunk; Phyllis was too much like an aunt to Jen, and while having good advice, was not really a best friend-type; and Kelly, who arrived at Dunder Mifflin half a year after Jen, was a little too boy-crazy for Jen’s taste. But Pam was – she was the perfect candidate to become Jen’s office friend. Only, she didn’t know what she’d eventually feel for Pam. She tried to get along with the other women and the men too, but at the end of the day, Pam was the one she could always talk to no matter what.

Two years later, the documentary crew showed up, wanting to document the genuine experience of working at a paper company. At this point, Jen was head-over-heels for the woman who sat just feet away from her at the front desk. She saw Pam Monday-Friday, for eight hours each day and spent much of that time hanging out at Pam’s desk, pulling pranks on Dwight (with Pam, of course), and talking to Pam during their breaks they took together.

Jen tried really hard not to divulge her feelings for Pam on camera; but when she revealed that she knew Pam’s favorite flavor of yogurt on the very first day of filming (“she said mixed berries?”), Jen knew that the camera crew was catching onto the situation. And then, after Michael’s failed attempt at his own diversity training and Jen’s failed sale, Pam fell asleep on Jen’s shoulder and, you know what, that was not a bad day. That’s what Jen told the camera, too – “not a bad day.” They knew, they _had_to know. It was more than obvious; it was right in front of them, on fucking fire, and the smoke was suffocating them.

After that, Jen decided not to try too hard to hide her feelings for Pam. After all, everyone already knew – well, everyone except for Roy, who was painfully oblivious to the actual situation. Of course, Roy had his moments; when Roy had first met Jen, he jokingly told Jen, “don’t try to steal my girlfriend” – to which Pam stared at Roy in the perfect mixture of disbelief and disgust, saying “I’m not your girlfriend, I’m your _fiancée,_” a moment she repeated for the cameras two years later after Roy said he would go for the purse girl if he and Pam weren’t “dating.”

Earlier, before the purse girl came into the office, Roy walked in on Jen holding Pam’s hand, laughing with her about the alliance with Dwight. “You trying to cop a feel or something, Halpert?!” Roy practically shouted, almost hitting Jen before Pam stopped him. Roy always called Jen by her last name, “Halpert,” because he and Jen were never close and really never got along. When they were left alone, usually because they were both at the front desk and Pam was had to run somewhere for a few minutes, there was always an awkward silence between the two. Jen never knew what to say to him, because she alternated between wanting to kiss his fiancée and give him a good kick to the nuts. Mainly, she wanted to kiss his fiancée.

Then, the purse girl came in – Katy was her name – and all the guys in the office were obsessed with her. She was pretty, Jen thought. Jen convinced herself that she wanted to ask Katy out, that she should start dating again; really, Jen wanted to date Katy so she could be distracted from her love for the receptionist. So, Jen went into the conference room and asked Katy about the purses, flirting with her a little and making her laugh. Eventually, she asked Katy out on a date, to which Katy replied, “Thank God! Michael and Dwight have been over me all day. I didn’t want to tell them I was gay.”

The two went out for drinks, and then Jen dropped Katy off at her apartment, but only after the two made plans for a second date. Katy was nice – she was no Pam, but she was really good. But dating Katy didn’t help the fact that Jen was forced to work with Pam eight hours for five days a week. She and Pam were friends, and that was it – until the fateful night of the Dundies. Nothing could have prepared Jen for that night, and she’s still not sure how it happened or that it even did happen.

It started when Roy left with Darryl, angry about the “longest engagement” award he and Pam always got, dragging Pam outside with him. Jen was disappointed, since she’d been looking forward to laughing at Michael’s ridiculous awards with her best friend, but then Pam walked back into the restaurant, sat down on the barstool next to Jen, and took Jen’s beer out of her hand, chugging it. Pam had this glow to her…she looked better than usual; Jen couldn’t figure out what it was.

Then, it happened; after receiving her reward for the whitest sneakers, Pam moved to sit back down next to Jen but first, she kissed Jen. It was just a peck, just for a few seconds, but it was a kiss nonetheless, and it was the best kiss Jen had ever had. But the next day at work, Pam acted like nothing had happened. Maybe she didn’t even remember it – after all, she had been pretty drunk. Apparently no one else had seen Pam kiss Jen, either. No one else was that drunk, and Jen knew that if they saw, they would be all over her about the kiss.

The next person to talk about Jen and Pam was Pam’s mom, who came to visit on the day of sexual harassment training – the day Jen knew everyone would harass Pam as a joke. Her mom walked in later, at the end of the day, and Jen was really looking forward to meeting Helene Beesly. Instead of waiting for Pam to walk over to her desk, Jen went up to reception, fully intent on shaking hands with Helene, when Roy walked in and Jen grabbed a piece of candy and walked back to her desk. So she’d meet Pam’s mom another time. Jen went back to her work, but perked up when Roy left and Helene asked Pam, “So who’s Jen?” Judging by Helene’s voice, she knew about Jen and Pam, she just did.

Weeks later, when Pam discovered Michael’s screenplay, “Threat Level Midnight,” and the whole office did a reading of it, Pam stood up to Roy again. Usually, when he wanted to leave, they’d leave, but when he came upstairs that night, the office was still reading Michael’s screenplay. Pam, not wanting to miss out, told Roy she had to work late. When he replied with, “really?,” Jen thought for sure Pam would give in and leave. But Pam simply nodded and sat back down next to Jen. When they all took an intermission, Jen made her famous grilled cheese sandwiches, which she and Pam enjoyed on the roof while watching Dwight’s fireworks. The next day, Jen remarked that she and Pam had had their first date the previous night; she’d meant it as a joke, although she and Pam both knew better, and Pam wasn’t having any of it. Pam refused to call their swaying “dancing,” to which Jen replied that at least she didn’t leave Pam at a high school Hockey game. Jen had said it accidentally, without realizing what she was actually saying and was going to tell Pam she didn’t mean it, except Pam walked away before Jen could say anything else.

And then Jen had a barbecue at her house – the first time she’d had Pam over, although she didn’t know why. She and Pam were best friends and they should have hung out before the party. She was especially excited because Pam had told her earlier that Roy couldn’t make it. Pam walked in just in time for the tour, and while they were seeing the house, she wandered into Jen’s bedroom and was looking at a picture on the dresser when Jen found her. They had a good laugh about Jen’s yearbook picture while Pam sat on Jen’s bed; a scenario Jen found hard to believe.

Soon after the party, Jen got Pam for secret Santa and knew exactly what she’d get her. Pam had been talking about getting a teapot for her desk all year, and since she hadn’t gotten one yet, Jen got one for her and stuffed it full of inside jokes the two shared – including Jen’s high school yearbook photo. Then, there was the letter that told Pam everything. Jen didn’t really want to tell Pam, because having that conversation meant risking their friendship, and Jen couldn’t fathom working at Dunder Mifflin without Pam as her best friend. So, after the debacle of “Yankee Swap,” as Michael called it, and after Pam traded the iPod for the teapot, Jen snuck the letter into her back pocket. She could tell Pam another time.

But before she told Pam, she mistakenly, slightly drunkenly, revealed her feelings for Pam to the world’s worst confidant – Michael Scott. That whole night, the “booze cruise” on Lake Wallenpaupack, was a shit show. First, she and Katy sat in a booth across from Pam and Roy, where Roy and Katy really bonded over their respective high school’s football teams and Jen learned that she was dating a cheerleader. She’d never liked the cheerleader type and if she was being completely honest, she still didn’t. When things got a little too rowdy in the ship, Jen and Pam went outside, and Pam said that sometimes, she didn’t get Roy. Jen tried to come up with a response, but the only ones she could think of would reveal her feelings for Pam. Then, Pam asked Jen how she liked dating a cheerleader and when Jen didn’t respond, only looked at her, Pam went back inside. Later, Jen told the camera that she’d save the receptionist, and she knew it was time to tell Pam how she felt – which she was about to, when Roy got up and set a wedding date with Pam. Jen broke up with Katy only moments later, and then, in what was possibly the stupidest mistake of her entire life, told Michael that she liked Pam. Michael’s response was surprising – “bfd, engaged ain’t married,” encouraging Jen to not give up on Pam, not if she really wanted Pam.

After Pam and Roy set their wedding date, Jen got to hear more and more about her wedding. And then, she got to hear about her crush from everyone else in the office after Michael inevitably revealed her secret. Jen decided to tell Pam herself that she had feelings for her before any of the rumors got around to Pam. Pam told Jen that she kind of knew all along, which Jen wasn’t surprised to hear; Jen had always been shit at hiding her feelings.

When Jan conducted the Women in the Workplace seminar, it was mostly rubbish that Jen and Pam had to sit through, but then Jan told Pam about corporate’s graphic design internship. Pam was a talented artist, and when they all took a break, Jen, without needing to hear anything else about the program, told Pam that she should go for it. Roy, on the other hand, pointed out all the reasons why Pam shouldn’t do the program. Jen rolled her eyes, wanted to get Pam away from Roy. She listened to him too much and his advice was almost always centered on himself. But when Jen tried to set Pam straight, asked, “Is this really what you want?” (why yes, she _was_talking about the internship and not Pam’s fiancé), Pam got defensive and so, Jen dropped it.

A week later, on Valentine’s Day, Jen watched as Phyllis got about a thousand gifts from Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration and Pam got none. Jen would’ve gotten her something, like she usually did, but with the crush still looming over them, Jen thought she’d better not. Then, Roy came in at 5:00 and told Pam she was gonna get the best sex of her life. Clearly, he’d neglected to get her a real Valentine’s gift and made this up on the spot. Judging from everything she knew about Roy, Pam would _not _be getting the best sex of her life; judging from the look on Pam’s face, she wanted something else, maybe something traditional, however cliché it might be. Jen would’ve gotten her red carnations, a bar of stone-ground Mexican chocolate, dinner reservations at her favorite Thai place, and _actually_given her the best sex of her life before making her a cup of tea and spooning her to sleep. No, stop; she couldn’t think like this about her best friend, not now that this friend was really going to be married to a man in less than a year.

Jen had to get out of Scranton. She knew that Pam would invite her to the wedding, but she couldn’t go. She wouldn’t trust herself not to say something when the minister asked if there were any objections. She didn’t know where to go, though, so she decided to spin the globe in Michael’s office and see where her finger landed. Australia – well, that should be fun, right? She booked everything, her flights, hotel room, even a tour of [some famous building]. Then came the hard part – telling Pam. Jen walked up to Pam’s desk and talked about where she was going and what she was doing. Pam asked when she was leaving. Jen looked down, then back up at Pam and answered, “I’m going on June 8…and I’m really sorry.” Pam shook her head, replied, “It’s fine.” Jen mentioned something about discounted rates those days, and Pam nodded her head, but Jen suspected Pam knew why she was really going those specific days.

Shortly after Jen planned her trip to Australia, she interviewed with Jan for a transfer. The only branch currently hiring was in Stamford, Connecticut, but Jen thought that was better than nothing. So, she and Jan discussed it, and Jan said she’d be a great candidate for the transfer. It was up to Jen to decide if she was actually going to transfer or not, and she still didn’t know. She loved Pam and didn’t want to lose her, but she knew she couldn’t stay to see Pam get married.

From then on, as it got closer to Pam’s wedding date, Pam started to plan more of her wedding during her free time at the office. She filled out her save the dates, put them in envelopes and addressed them, ordered the wedding cake and flowers, even reserved the church and the reception hall. Jen couldn’t stand it; for the first time since she started to work at Dunder Mifflin, she wished her desk wasn’t so close to Pam’s. She wished Pam didn’t have to plan her wedding at the office – couldn’t she and Roy do that when they got to their house? So, one day, out of pure frustration and annoyance, Jen complained to Toby, not realizing that Toby would actually make a formal complaint out of it. Jen thought it was done, until Michael decided to take over conflict resolution and bring up all of the workers’ complaints they filed against their coworkers, including Jen’s redacted complaint about Pam’s wedding planning. Pam got mad at Angela, thought she was the one complaining, but Jen had to tell Pam she had it all wrong. “It was me,” Jen told her during the photo Michael was desperately trying to get, “I’m the one who complained about you. It was just once, and I took it back right away.” Pam looked forward, at the camera. “Okay.”

It all came to a head on the office’s stupid casino night. That whole night was a shit show – like the booze cruise on steroids. It all started innocently enough – Pam and Jen joked around with Dwight, in his stupid server’s outfit, and then they started playing poker together. Jen wasn’t gonna lie, she was pretty good at poker; but when it came to Pam, she couldn’t concentrate. She fell for Pam’s terrible poker face just like she fell for everything else about Pam. After Pam beat Jen at poker and stole all her money, Roy left and asked Jen to look after Pam. Pam tried to bring up the poker, but Jen couldn’t focus on any of it. So, she just said it.

“I’m in love with you.”

…

After Jen leaves the parking lot, she walks for about five minutes just around the block, deciding what she should do next. Should she leave? She’s supposed to be Pam’s ride home. Although, everyone else here still has their cars…and the car ride home would be 10 minutes of pure awkwardness that Jen doesn’t want to sit through. But she should at least tell Pam what she’s going to do. Jen walks back to the parking lot, but finds it empty. Jen decides that she’ll go up to the office, grab the rest of her stuff, and search for Pam in the warehouse. Upon arriving in the office, however, she hears Pam talking on the phone with someone. “Yeah, I think I am,” Jen hears her say, sounding almost like she’s about to laugh. Then Pam catches sight of Jen and tells the person on the other end of the receiver, “Um, I have to go. I will,” and hangs up, turning around to face Jen. “Listen, Jen-”

Jen doesn’t give her time to answer. She goes up to Pam and just kisses her, like she’s been wanting to for years now. Pam hesitates at first, not sure if she should give in or stop Jen, but Pam eventually gives in, kisses Jen back, cradles the other woman’s face in her hands. And…Jen’s obsessed, can’t fucking get enough, needs more. She knew kissing Pam would be good, but if she’d known it would be this great, she would’ve taken the risk a long time ago. Pretty much the day she met Pam.

“Jen-”

“Do you want me to stop?”

Pam bites her lip. “No. I mean…” her eyes dart around and Jen can tell that Pam’s questioning her answer. Pam looks into Jen’s eyes. “No.”

They’re kissing again, and Jen’s hands are all over Pam, and Jen wonders why the fuck it took them so long to get together, because they’re so _good_together physically, and they’ve always been good together around the office, as friends. But they’re better as more than friends, they really are.

She sits Pam down on the desk and starts kissing her neck, trying not to leave any marks (_trying_being the operative word), and Pam’s head tilts back, her hands tangling in Jen’s hair, her soft moans traveling right into Jen’s ear, fucking up whatever kind of friendship they used to have, because now that’s the only sound Jen’ll be able to hear when she thinks about or sees Pam, which is basically 24/7.

“Jen…” Jen moves lower, in between Pam’s legs, and puts her hands up Pam’s dress. “Fuck, Jen.” Jen almost stops because she’s surprised that Pam would cuss like that, but then Jen smirks. _I bet she doesn’t do that for Roy_.

Just as Jen’s about to pull down Pam’s underwear, Pam puts her hand on Jen’s arm, making Jen stop and look up at her. “I, um…I…”

“You’re still marrying him?” As Pam nods, Jen stands back up and runs a hand through her hair.

“I’m sorry-”

“No, don’t be. I, um…I’m transferring to Stamford, Pam.” Pam’s eyes widen and she inhales deeply. “I just…thought you should know.”

“Is it because of me? Because of the wedding?”

Jen shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m going, I’ve already done the paperwork and everything.”

“Will I, um…will I see you again before you leave?”

“I, uh…I leave tomorrow, actually. I’m getting all my stuff now.”

Pam stares at Jen, seemingly wanting more. “I’m sorry if I’m the reason-”

“No, don’t blame yourself. I’m just a stupid dyke with a crush on her engaged best friend.” Jen walks past Pam, starting to gather the rest of the things on her desk, and Pam follows.

“Jen, wait, I-”

Jen turns around, faces Pam. “Listen, Pam – it’s not your fault. I need you to know that you’re not the reason I’m leaving, okay?”

Pam hesitates, then after a few long seconds, nods. “Okay. I just, um…good luck over there.”

Jen gives Pam one of her wide, genuine smiles. “Thanks, Beesly.”

“I’m…” Pam searches Jen’s face before engulfing the other woman in a hug. “I’m gonna miss you, Jen. You’re my best friend.” This makes Jen smile, even if she probably won’t ever see Pam again. They’ll always be friends.

“You’re my best friend too, Pam.”

As far as Jen was concerned, casino night – nah, not bad at all. Pam took all her money, beat her at poker, is still marrying Roy, and Jen probably just saw her for the last time. But, she kissed Pam, and Pam kissed her back. Not a bad day.


End file.
